dropped by in swee kheng's blog. its not something i regularly do, though i always love to pay visit to friends' blogpages, somehow i rarely click on his link that has been there for ages on my blog. maybe because i am not really close to him..or what, i don't know.

as i kept on scrolling down, i found one BEAUTIFUL post. it was from him, as a tribute for his late dad. it was so nice, so beautiful, touched me so much. i practically can feel the aura he wanted to send together in his writing.

reading that reminds me to a friend of mine, in one of her post..she talked about her dad. that one was another good one. i liked that one so much.

the bottom line is, i love to read from those who writes from their heart. and in the case when you talk about you dad, a person that have been living with you for long..it has to come from there. its nothing you can look at a glance and goes on and on about. its about something you have seen so long..as long as your life, know about it, feel it in your heart, and then..on one fine day it came to you that you suddenly want to talk about it. only then, you will start doing it.

the thing is, i really hope i could do something like that. i really want to be somebody that is able to express myself very deep...or at least to be able to make people feel the sense i want to send. to be able to make people feel what i feel just by writing it down, or say it up.

the sad thing is...i just can't do that right. at least not yet right now. and until today, i guess i remain being a person that keep my feelings at heart. it has been like that for so long until at this point of time, it's a kind of normal for me to no to have much feeling on anything. at least that is what i thought about myself.

what is the problem? is it me, is it my incapability to use the right language, or i just the person i am now..a person with less heart?i have to admit that my level of english is not high, but at least it is at a level that i could never imagine 6 years ago. i'm still in the effort to improve myself.

what ever it is, i just wanna pray the best for myself, and also for all people out there that always give themself a chance to be better day by day..no matter in any feild.(hopefully the good ones)

going to the other part of the story. you know why i simply feel touched when a person manage to write well about their parents? (in this case, their dad)...because if you want to do that now...i won't be able to do it. i have to admit that i don't know much about my dad. maybe the culture of our family is a part of the thing to be blamed, but i believe everything pretty much falls on me too. i didn't make much effort for it. as much as my friends were amazed how my dad and can have such a good conversation together, actually we didn't really talk much. i mean, the substance we shared. it will always on very basic stuffs. i don't think he even know how many girlfriends i had, or what is my favourite color. as return, i don't know those stuffs from his side too..but one thing i have to admit, his friends were so cool when i sit down with them and have some chat.yes, i'm talking about a 24 years old guy sitting with a group of 56 years old and above. that is one of the main source for me to know stories of my dad when he was young, plus occasionally he tells me some too...

what do i do about this? ... leave it like that? try to work something out? maybe..but what is that 'something'?

somebody please tell me..