long but not too long time ago, there was a ship called 'Cee-fe Salam'. the ship carries a group of people where each of them has decided to stay together forever. one heart, one soul. the ship, sails around the world for a mission-to do anything for the betterment of all mankind. this ship is one out of several more ships be sent around the world for the same cause.

the captain, was one wise man. being respected by most, but not all of his crews. though some don't look at him as high as the others, none of them has ever think to retaliate or to distabilize the harmonious environment on the ship, a key factor that has made that ship as the fastest in its journey though it was the first to be built. this minority group were there with faith that though he wasn't perfect, he is respected by the majority. and being the minority doesn't mean that they put no respect, its just they might have a different way of thinking but that not the matter.as long as the ship sails good, they were good. in fact, the ship is a ship with reputation. out of 5 local races, it has won 4 of it, and even got second one of its international-level competition.

as much as everybody on the ship lives happily, its a human nature to be greed. some wants fame, some wants glory, some wants women, some wants man, some wants power, some want get rich without working, some works hard fulfilling the mission of the journey, some were just there for the sake of their mother. to got into all these, some might do anything that will cost them. campaign, discussion, money politics, bitching around, backstabbing, etc. the good part is, with all these, many still put a straight face and pretend nothing happened so the journey runs smooth.this is like a lump under the skin, waiting to grow-cause cancer-and kill. but as long as mesures taken, it should not be a problem.

one day the lady that took care of all ships sent out a circular. " To all my respected and hardworking people, there is a concern on our level of performance. we are being stagnent and improve very slow. thus. i have provide an on-job training for any of you that wants to create a little more value of themselves to the world. during the period, you will be away but trust me, its an investment for the future. think about the ship, think about the mission, think about the people. do let me know as soon as possible"

for other ships, each of the crew were happy for the news. but it was a different environment in Cee-fe Salam. Every single person wants to go, but they resists not to, worry if the captain wouldn't have enough man. the captain, finally let go some of his best people."For the sake of the ship" he said.

its a good thing that despite the fact that they were far, they always use pigeon to send updates on their training. the captain was happy and he send return news about the ship's latest journey to them. the captain was happy because his people, on and off the ship were loyal enough to the ship and him.

The group returned, extremely inspired by the training, each of them have zillions of ideas in their head. They want to contribute. "Lets not disappoint our friends, we gonna proof to captain that his decision was right" the group said.

Unfortunately, the scene on the ship is very much different now. Everybody has changed. Yes, everybody still shake hands, hug each other but the aura is just wrong. Yes, the lump has grown big. Inside, it is now a cancer. Outside, its still a good looking body. ironically, the captain himself has become a man he was not. Something has gone wrong somewhere. the 'one heart, one soul' line is now just

One day, the ship returned to its port of origin. It's a normal procedure where there will be a meeting, where all ship members and crew-to-be will sit down together and choose the leadership for the next journey.” to uphold democracy"-the lady secretary said. Sadly, the captain didn't turn up. Long wait worth nothing, the meeting was finally begin with one of its tradition scrapped off-the last speech from the captain. Normally this will be the time where the captain expresses his feelings on his crew, made them proud of themselves so they will work harder in the future. This time, it wasn't there. The crews were sad. Some of them felt humiliated and not appreciated. "The captain is selfish"-some started to say. "He pushed us up to the max but never care to give us the speech. That’s our life. Our children will understand their long wait to see the face of the father is a worth one. The father is a hero. The loyalty of wives missing us every cold nights will be repaid, he don't care about all that" another voice added. The newbies were confused. All these while they were told by their ancestors that when a captain welcomes you to the ship he lead, and maybe to lead - it's a sign that you are a good sailor. But the captain is not there. What does this suppose to mean?

After a while, the captain arrived. That was after the new captain was chosen. He walked in the hall, looked at all faces, and walked out. "What the hell does that suppose to mean?"-a senior crew asked his friend.” I don't know" he replied. Soon, a story spread out-the old captain decided to retire, so he don't want to care anymore. Senior crews were stunned. They know the old captain wanted to retire. He hinted them last time. But by doing this, is not right. The tradition has to be preserved. The trend needs to be kept alive. The new captain need the old captain to formally hand over the golden gun-the ship's leadership symbol to him so he may gain respect from the crew. The newbies wants their presence made known.

The day ended. The old captain is happy because he is now free. But the new captain, the senior crews, and newies on the ship-those that will be responsible to continue the ship's journey are left in animosity. No one can say now, will it able to keep the glory days any longer or will it just be another 'good old days'.

Tomorrow ,November 25th is my mom's birthday. I am not the best son she has, but I know she means a lot to me. I shall never get any chance to say all these to her. This is the only avenue for me to express this. She will not read this but I don't care. I just wanna do this.

My mom is the best mom in the world. When parents of my friends stuffs their children with bucks to spend, she is the only person that I know, has been succesfully wakes up every single morning as early as 4.30am since the past 17 years to cook food for us. Not only one dish, but its gonna be TWO dishes. One for us to bring to school ( Yes, I got laughed last time during schooldays, but after years I believe that she did just the right thing to do. Why the heck we need to spend money on foods in the canteen when home-made were just simply better). One more for us to reheat when we are back from school for lunch. In fact, she is still doing it until today.

But being the way I am, such a ungrateful person walking on the land belong to the God, has always, until today hurts her feelings from time to time.

More to it, being a person that has problem to express feelings, made things worse. Trust me or not I did NEVER hug my mom since the time I could remember things. I still remember the time I was still in USA, I promised myself, in front of Bob, Rakin, and Ustaz that the first thing I'm going to do when I got back home, was to hug my mom. Until today, its still just a unfulfilled promise.

For you mom, the lady I called 'Mama' for the past 23 years of my life, I dedicate this song. It might not reflect you directly but actually it does in someway around. Hope you'll like it.

I am sorry for being away for more than two weeks without notice. Thanks for your concern, people. For those phone calls and text messages, I really appreciate them. 'Lil khom_barb, seems like you just can't live without my blog, huh? ;)

To be frank, I am very disappointed with myself right now. I just failed to meet my own target and for me, that's just sucks! I myself set the goal but seems like it is too far to reach. Part of the blame on me but I just can't deny the fact that external factors played the major role.

First, it’s my CILT project paper. (FYI, I'm doing a professional course - a U.K based Chartered Institute of Logistics and Transport) I suppose, at this time, in the middle of the process of completing it. But NO, I am not. In fact I didn't even start it. And it’s just BAD! My lecturer advisor gave me warning, and that's just a shame for me. Being one of the best CILT students made me feel that. Maybe it's just a ridiculous thing to think for you but not for me. Reason? It's a beautiful combination of my laziness and inability of the Rapid KL lady to respond my mails on time. Tried to call, seemed that didn't help that much.

Second, is time management. Below is my routine schedule:

11.30am - Woke Up

12.00pm - Ready to Start Life (Normally will listen to songs)

12.30pm - Walk to the bus station, take bus heading into UiTM

1.00pm - In UiTM go to library
-Read newspapers
- Check emails
- Read 'Cargonews' - For latest info. of logistics and transportation news
- Try to revise for trial exam but never works

4.00pm - Head to Malaysia Institute of Transport (MITRANS)
- Reading reports/papers on transport issues
- Chattin aroudn ( I will normally end up with this )

5.00pm - Take bus home

5.30pm - Either (a) Basketball, (b) Watch TV, or (c) Sleep

7.00pm onwards - Watch TV, or Hanging around with friends. Sometimes stay over Edz, Prov, and Hafiedz's place. That means 'Soul Calibur III 'till the day out. On nights with soccer matches, I'll be up for it.

3.00am - Sleep

11.30am the next day - The routine continues

Isn't that just sick?

Third, I have been planning to find a part-time job to fill my time but yet until today I didn't manage to find any. That's because (a) I am still waiting to get my driving license to ride motorbike (Funny rite, I have full license to drive car but no license to ride a bike. For those ever saw me ride bikes, yes you are right. I rode without license - Chan Kong Choy is so gonna be mad at me, a transport practitioner to be but I myself didn’t obey to law that much...hehehe...), (b) My project paper is still pending, I afraid if I started working than I wouldn't able to do it well (Am I a paranoid?, guess so!) and (c) Job that I manage to find, none of them relates to my field of expertise.(I'm being choosy? Maybe)

Guess that's enough to explain all that.

Before I close, I would want to take this opportunity to congratulate my bro, Shamaredza Sharoff Omar Bakhi for made it for a job offer in KPMG. In fact, he got two offers in the same time. The other was from Nokia. Man, go for KPMG...trust me, that’s like your dream of a lifetime that you have been telling me for years. The gate is now open, it’s just the matter for you to walk pass it to make your dream come true. Corporate Recovery Department...is such a GREAT kick start.

So for Mat Le, the one and the only Kelantanese boy in the CILT clan. Offer to BDM International was just a proof that you did a marvelous job, man. Keep it up!
See, my friends are making ways to big corps, what the hell I'm doing here, stuck in the university life? Damn you, Imran...

Sayonara

Spent half of the day in Shama's place, watching TV. Somewhere around 8pm, As I was playing with the remote control, I found out that there was a show called 'Coffe with Karan'. It's an India-based talk show, like other talk show which features celebrities and any other famous or important people to have a chat about anything they feel they want to talk about.

Happen to be the guest for that nite was Kajol and Shah Rukh Khan. Karan, the host defines Kajol as a 'very sincere and sudden' in answering questions while Sharukh was classified as 'very philosophical'. Personally, I'm a kind of agree with him. Yes, Kajol seemed to be so honest and straight, but yet the always make sense. While Shahrukh, though he was trying to be straight but he just can't run away from the true him. Philosophical, and some might say... a sweet talker.

The discussion was playing aroud how Shahrukh and Kajol has always be such a great couple in evey single movie they were in. And the best part was, to see how each of them deals with questions that might trap them someway or another. When Kajol was asked on why is she making a comeback now, the way she put it was so (for me) nice when she said that she actually never left, it was just that she decide to do things she wants at time she wants, and it was so happen that she wants to get married at time when she was at the peak of her cerrier, meaning to say she choose to settle down with life, to have a family, get a baby and she will think what to do next.(After all, what do she have to lose anyway? Her husband is rich enough to support the family). And now she feels like she has already get what she wanted and... she decided to act again.

Sharukh in the other hand when asked about her compatibility with Kajol in movies, lowered down himself and decide to give the praise to Kajol. She (Kajol) later felt not so happy with that remark because for her it was Shahrukh that make many things possible.

Enough ab0ut that.

Lets compare the situation with our local industry. Hmmm... interesting. Guess that many would think that I will 'hentam' (condemn) our actors or singers, or anybody in the entertainment industry. Maybe your dream will come true, maybe not.

I once got a chance to work in ntv7 ( FYI, those that don’t know Media Prima finally bought over the company last month-100% stake control) . During that time, 'Spanar Jaya' was one popular sitcom in the country. The recordings were done in one of the studios in the building where I worked in. The matter of fact is, it was just next door. So when I got free time I went in and watched the process. I saw such a great bonding between the actors. How could I believe my eyes to see Zaibo playing tap with 'Mat Rock' (Sorry, I forgot his real name). Such a big age difference but still, make no barrier between them. When 'Eddie Lentok' (again, I have no idea wht is his real name) walk into the studio, everybody gave respect-because he was the director. But yet, he still walks around and tap each of his camereamans' shoulder together with a smile. I was told that to complete one scene might take them several 'take's, and it was really tiring process. I can see in their eyes, how much they enjoy doing what they want.

But does these happy faces were there on TV? To be shown to the public how wonderful the scene is? NO!!! Insted, when they have a small disagreement between one another, THAT will be written on every page of tabloids, magezines, entertainment news shows ( I guess that's the way to define shows like 'Melodi') and to make thing worse these people, misuse their capability to access the mass by making up the stories here and there, for the sake of making it sounds hot to drag attention from the public. In the end of the day, the two personalities became the victim. From not having any issue in between, they later got provoked and the ‘war of the world’ begins. Who had the last laugh? The media, and those assholes got all the praise. Damn.

I agree part of the blame also falls on them (celebrities) for not being professional enough to seek for the truth. I once read in a newspaper about how insensitive and ignorant our artists for not standing up for their own rights. In fact, they don’t even know that they have one. Many still live in the world of 'As long as it doesn’t hurt me, I just don’t give a fuck'. But once it hits them in the face, they are the one who out of sudden speaks out loud about rights, in case they finally manage to know one.

How long do we want to see this happening? Until when the mass would be stuffed with made-up stories? I'm tired of all this. I really am.

I wonder why am I so emotional about this? Do I any of my actor friends became their victim? Maybe. Was I the victim of those 'satans'? Nope. Its just that I pity these people. People that has gave themselves whole-heartedly to become 'anak wayang' to shine our entertainment industry. These people are not as strong as Hollywood or Bollywood stars to stay in the scene no matter what. Our culture is still very much very judgemental on others. Once a person is bad, they are bad for all time in the eyes of the public. Don't let these people down, just because one small mistake they did, or never do but media proclaims they did. Especially when they are at their best in giving to us. Trying to proove us that we are also good as compared to other nation?

Is it them or is it us, or is it all of us that just love to see other's to fall? The harder they fall, the more happy we are?

Its like the history repeats itself. Remember how did Singapore falls into Stamford Raffles' hand? It was because of disagreement and hatred between Sultan Ibrahim and Sultan Ali...made Ibrahim ?was Temenggong at that time? asked the help from Raffles to win Singapore for him. The end? Ibrahim finally became a Sultan, by name but actually was the puppet for Raffles to rule the land.

Don’t let it happen again. Never.

'Resmi anak wayang dicaci di hina,
Tetapi tetap mahu memberi'

Wonder why Malaysian movies never got to break even ASEAN’s market...

I receive these messages from Sife UiTM webpage today...

First Message:


Second Message:
from:
long time friend

Monday, November 8th,2005

Siapa Sudi - Terasing

Siapa sudi dengar cerita dariku ini,
Dari kamar titbesi menjadi jendelaku,
Bersama dosa-dosa bibit kedukaanku,
Masa dan hari menjadi permainainku,

Ooo...

Hari berganti hari aku terus menunggu,
Memikirkan dikan mengking kehidupanku,
Tetapi bila ku dah menuggu,
Di dalam kamr it menjadi kamar setiaku,

C/o

Tuhan,
Hanya satu ku pinta,
Ampunkanlah dosaku,
Dari hamba Mu yang hina ini,

Tuhan... Ooo...
Temukanlah hamba Mu,
Dari insan yang amat rindu,
Sebelumku bertemu Mu,

Wahai teman wahai saudara,
Dengarlah rintihanku ini,
Gelak tawamu itu kubawa bersama,
Selangkahku dari kamar sepi,
Maafkanlah diriku ini.

Before you read further, I beg you to closely read the lyric above. I sat in front of the TV listening to every words came out and I jot down all of them, just to give chance for us to think, a muhasabah (reflection to self) tonight.

At first I wanted to ask you to guess what the song is about. Maybe I want to go further by asking you who the singer might be. But I guess I can't wait to tell you. Believe me or not, the song above was written by a prisoner and sang by an all-prisoner band called 'Terasing' from Taiping Prison, Perak. I was watching a documentary about them called 'Dari Kubu Batu' or something like it. Its about the people celebrating Eid in the prison, the prisoner itself and those warder on duty.

'Tersisih di kubu batu...'

That's a bit of lyric from their other song from them. The band was established by the prison management as a form of rehabilitation for those prisoners. It was really sad to look at them. Being separated from the world for mistake made in their life. More importantly, it's not only them who have to bare the pain. Everybody else related to them were also somehow effected. The family especially, how they have to go thru life without their loved ones, like a wife shown in the documentary, carried the children along while visiting the husband. I looked in the eyes of the boy, he seemed not to understand a single thing happening around him. Why he have to go so far to meet his daddy when his other friends have their dad at home? Why is mom crying?Isn't it a happy day? it's Eid, right, eveyone wears nice cloth and enjoyig themselves. Why there was a thick glass in the middle of them, not allowing him to shake and kiss his father's hand on the holy day? Why mom got to use telephone to talk to dad even he is just in front of his eyes? Why dad wasn't wearing 'Baju Melayu' like him? All these questions left unanswered. He was clueless. Until when would he be in that condition? Wondering why things are not the same for him compared to his surrounding world? No one knows.

As my mind flies, I suddenly recall one headline on a tabloid at a mamak stall 2 weeks ago. Sounds something like 'Saya Rindu Ayah' (I miss my dad) - and the name of the boy was written there. I managed to read the earlier part of the article. I was about a group of people appealing to the Prime Minister of Malaysia cum Minister of Internal Affairs to release their family members that were currently held under the Internal Security Act (ISA). These people were held for more than 4 years and the court has just approved to extend their detention for the next 2 years. The article proclaims that these people have been detained without reason and up until today there was no charge being put on them.

I don't want to go on the details, but the part that I want us to think about is, if those prisons that have already know why and how long they are going to be in prison feels the pain of being detained, how would these people in the condition where they are not certain on what's gonna happen to them would feel? I guess it would be so much more than the earlier group...

Well, I leave if for you to decide...

Sunday, november 7th, 2005

So I'm back from Eid celebration. Somehow we decide to go back to Penang, my dad's hometown. We normally prefer to celebrate it in my mom's place in Pantai Remis, Perak. Maybe our presence is more needed there. Reason? My cousin is getting married, so need to help here and there lah.

The good thing about Penang is the FOOD. Some even call Penang as 'heaven of food'. My favorite? Nasi Kandar is on the top. The hunt for Nasi kandar started from the first night in Penang. 'Line Clear' - one of the famous is actually not a shop. It’s a chain of stalls on a small street between shop lots. So as you eat, don't be surprised to see some motorcycle pass thru you. Why its called such? Last time, it used to be the place where those who decided to 'ponteng (skip) fasting during Ramadhan look for food without being caught by the authority. It's a history now, but yet the name stays.

This Eid was a totally new experience for me. To perform the Eid prayer a drizzle was something new for me. I personally love it, feels like the God is blessing me with His 'rahmah' and 'inayah'. Maybe I sound weird (yeah, these things, coming from me) but that was the exact feeling I felt. Love it, love it so much.

On the 3rd Syawwal, our family, in 7 cars traveled to Gunung Semanggol, Perak. My as I said before, my cousin is getting married. Its just the 'akad nikah', the kenduri will come later. Everything went fine except the part where the ceremony was delayed for 1 and half hour. Reason? Here is the story. The other couple (no relation to us) was scheduled to be after our turn invaded the 'Qadi's house as soon as they see us entering the mosque. Fro me, it was so childish for them to act in such way. Even if they are so desperate to have a legal sexual intercourse even by 1 and half hour earlier that scheduled, they could request from us to have their ceremony earlier. We would have no hell problem with that. Whatever...

After the ceremony, we went to Pantai Remis, my mom’s hometown. The traditional 'Laksa Mee' has been my favorite every time I'm there. It was one dish I would love to eat at anytime. So simple, but yet the taste...excellent!

Just arrive in K.L this noon. I guess I spent the whole day sleeping...zzz...